never been so stressed out in my life. since i hurt my back at work they are only giving me 3-6 hours a week work.. dont tell me to find another job...cos there is none! wanna go back to school next year and learn some stuff.. but dont know when to enrol.. or if i can afford to enrol..

moving house on saturday. this place is a fucking mess.. shit everywhere i dont no where to start or what im doing. im on my own with it michael is only home on weekends.. im so confused and need to escape here.i already hate my new house cos ive been there every day for 3 weeks fixing it
have no money at all left! wont have any money for atleast a month! my fridge is empty and ive been living off the icecream in my freezer.

havnt slept in so long or when i do i feels like i havnt at all. headaches all the time..!!!

and im fucking lonley!!!!!!!!!!

no one to hang out with cos i dont know what i like doing anymore! everywhere i go i just wanna go home.. but home? wheres that!!

my mum has the shits and wont talk to me cos i cant look after her dogs when she goes away cos ill be moving then! how fucked. called me a selfish cunt.. well how about u ask someone else.. or maybe dont go away that weekend if its such a drama?!!!


dont wanna go to work... theres nothing to do and i cant no matter how hard i try sell a fucking creditcard.. so they keep thretening to sack me.


everything is just fucked. im tired im hungry and im lonley.

i hate you so much. you took something from me that i can never have back.. i hate myself because i let you.. i dont know weather to scream or cry.. i just want to disapear. i wish you could feel what i felt.. and see what i feel now.. as you just go out and party.. while im left here broken and alone..fuck you and fuck everything that youve done. you made me feel like i was the only one in the world that matterd.. and out of nowhere the realy you came out and showed me what a jerk you really were.. i hate myself for ever thinking that you could love me..you need to grow up and become a man.. your 24.. not 15..take some fucking responsibilty.did you ever once think about me? or ask if i was ok? no.. not until it was over and then all you said to me was 'thanks for doing that its one less stress for me' FOR ME! cos everythings about you. fuck you.im the one that has to live with the fact i just took a life. 4 months craig! 4 fucking months! they didnt even want to do it.. but they made an exception.. 4 months is more than nothing! but nothing is what it was to you.. and all you could ever say to me is that every girl changes and they are all fucked.. and heres me.. even after all this.. would kill for one more night in your arms. i want to hate you. and i hope i snap out of being a push over to people like you because its people like you that will ruin me for someone who can and will love me oneday.. its people like you that destroy people so they cant love anymore.. and oneday im probly gonna wake up alone.. because my whole life ive pushed people away and im going to wish i had lived a life with someone.. you think you have the most fucked luck.. your the type of person.. who lives your life and everything is always ok.. your always ok.. and your gonna have a happy healthy life probly get married and live happily ever after with your perfect family. fuck you. all i ever wanted was to love you.. and for you to care about me.. you lead me on.. you made me belive i ment something to you.. fuck you.

yep... its official.. im falling for him..

so... i got a job! first day was today! :D im one of those anoying people that come to your house and try to sell you vacume cleaners hahaha


good pay though!


i got my ps! i am now legally allowed to drive woot! fuk i love my car!

i have a new infatuation.. his name is craig.. hes like.. exactly the same as me haha
he amuses me so much!


im going to crusty demons next weekend so cant wait! pissup at craigs before and after yew!!!!

im officially saving as of next week to go to melbourne with bec and ponch for my and becs birthday! gonna be a shit hot 18th! cant wait!

and im offically saving to go to canada to see my iggy!!!


life is fucking greeeat!
i need a simcard.. hmm.. next week.. when i get paid.. that shall be the first thing i buy


YAY FOR MEEEE!!!!


p.s. i wish guy would answer his fucking phone.. i have so much to tell the nigga!!!

as tess would say.. fuck off and die.
but in a nice way.. :D

i want to talk to you, tell you how i feel.... and it to all go back to how it was.

but it cant. it wont. its finally over.
i fucking hate it
i love you
i miss you

so fucking much.


seeing them, makes me want it so much more..and makes me relise how much i miss having you here with me.

im so lonley..
i want to love him like i love you but i cant... i feel numb to him.. and find my self avoiding him as much as possible cos i miss you. why do you have to be with him? why cant we be like we were? why did this happen... no one could ever love you like i do.. especially not him.. he dosnt know the first thing about you.. i do.. i know it all.. everything.. what we had was special.. something you dont find everyday.. something that could be forever.. we are ment to be...




you will see.
i love you.. with all my heart and soul.. i always will.

meeee by ~SyntheticXTrash on deviantART

:thumb53529447:

so a whole new year huh... suprisingly this year... i dont hate january... every year on the 1st of jan.. i have a cry cos i have to live a whole nother year.. this time.. i was ok.. :D this year is already good! i have new clothes.. and new hair! im blonde ... goin to the hairdresser soon tho im gonna go platinum blonde with red and black underneith for my sisters weddiing.. thats only a few weeks away! guy is comming ! hes commin down on monday too.. if all goes to plan im picking him up.. so that should be cool...give me a chance to drive since i havnt been for a proper drive in ages!

going shopping tomorrow.. buyin all new furnatiture for my room.. gettin rid of everything but my bed.. and goin all out asian style.. cant wait.. instead of this being my hibernation room.. it will finally be my sanctuary! yay!

I GOT MY L'S

I GOT A CAR!

WOOOOOT!


XD